Too Much Information but it's for the Sake of a Good Rant

So first of all, I got into a Masters in Teaching program (yay!). Secondably, I had to fill out a health history form, which basically wanted to know EVERYTHING THAT HAS EVER BEEN REMOTELY WRONG WITH ME (I really should just direct them to my blogs).

They listed every single malady and disease the world has ever known, and I checked off "yes" or "no." I felt like it was a little bit of overkill, but whatever. We've all seen forms like this.

Then on the back, they wanted me to tell them every type of medication I'm on and why (including vitamins and herbal or nutritional supplements). OK, now we're getting a little ridiculous. This is a school, not a doctor's office.

And then, the last part. My favorite part. This is what it says:

Please complete the appropriate section:
For Women
Onset first menstrual period (age):___
Abnormal flow? No Yes
Explain:___
Excessive/sever cramping? No Yes
Pregnant now or within past year? No Yes
Date of last pelvic exam:___

Are you kidding me???

So I filled it out. And it looks like this:And while I'm proud of myself for getting snarky with the "no thanks," I kinda feel like I should white all of it out and write "ARE YOU F-ING KIDDING ME?!" Or, next to the cramping question: "SPELL CHECK, PEOPLE, SPELL CHECK!"

And for men, it wants to know about any testicular and prostate conditions.

WHY WOULD A SCHOOL WANT TO KNOW THIS INFORMATION?!

And I do see the irony in being ticked off about my school asking such personal questions just to go ahead and give the answers to those questions in a public forum. I don't mind providing the answers by my own initiative. It's the fact that they think I owe them these answers that gets me all fired up!

My blood was boiling as I stared at the form. I started to feel like a "Tea Partier," all ticked off about my lack of privacy (and yet not pissed off about wire tapping...NO POLITICS!). But WHO CARES WHEN I FIRST GOT MY PERIOD?! And abnormal flow? And my last pelvic exam? REALLY??? Do they want to know about my first boyfriend or my first pimple or my first bout with food poisoning? (No, only you want to know about that.) SERIOUSLY.

I understand the school wanting to know if I'm allergic to something and whether or not I've had the chicken pox. And the immunization form? I'm happy to fill that out in ridiculous detail. But cramping? SEVER CRAMPING?!

I'm going to call them on Monday and ask why they need this information. Because now I really REALLY want to know. And if they give me a ridiculous answer, then I'm whiting out what I wrote on page two. And then I'm going to elaborate on page one. You see, I checked "yes" for three maladies: seasonal allergies, headaches, and chicken pox. And at the bottom it says, "Please explain all answers marked with YES." I just left it blank, because there's nothing to explain, but if they end up being hard-core about it, then I'll type them up a little essay. I'll describe my allergies and all the gunk that comes out of my nose that time of year. Then I'll describe my headaches and how I was more or less addicted to Excedrin in high school. And then I'll end with the story of getting the chicken pox, maybe attaching a couple pictures of the scars I have on my stomach. Plenty of detail for them.

Maybe it's one of those forms they don't really expect you to fill out completely. But then the question becomes: who originally wrote this form? Who thought these were appropriate and necessary questions to ask?

Seriously, I'm gonna call them and let you know. Maybe I'll ask the girl on the phone when she first got her period. Let's make this a two-way street, baby. Tell me all about that sever cramping.