C,O,M,M,A,S

I enjoy discussions. Philosophical, religious, political...I like them. Sometimes it's nice to just listen to them (hello podcasts!) and sometimes it's nice to use them to fulfill my masochistic tendencies. Back in the day I used to watch Pat Robertson in order to get really angry and then engage (ie: trap) someone in a conversation with me (also for entertainment purposes--that guy is hilarious). Maybe I just enjoy the ranting. No, no, I like the discussing part too, and sometimes I go into an argument with one opinion and come out of it with a different one. But there are a few things that there is no way I will ever change my mind on EVER.

EverEverEver.

Ever.

The top three that I can think of at the moment are:

1. Pharmacists do not have the right to deny women birth control (no matter what all those crazy people/my boyfriend say)

2. Blond people should not have dark eyebrows (seriously, dye everything!).

3. Cruel and unusual punishment should be allowed when people fail to use SERIAL COMMAS.

Serial commas, people. I cannot believe I've had a blog for over two years and have never ranted about serial commas. Let the ranting commence.

In case you are unaware, a serial comma is the last comma you use when listing several things.

Example: "When people don't use serial commas, Carolyn wants to tar, beat, and feather them."

The serial comma is the comma after the word "beat."

I SPECIFICALLY remember being taught in elementary school to use a serial comma in creating lists of fruit. I remember learning the trick that you need one less comma than the number of things you're listing. I remember being beaten with a spiky metal ruler when I failed to use the correct number of commas.*

*slight exaggeration

However, other people who went to my same elementary school do not remember learning to use said commas (yes, I have actually discussed this with others outside of my own head). They seem to be under the impression that serial commas are optional. OPTIONAL?!?! If serial commas are optional, then restraining from KARATE-CHOPPING YOUR FACE when you fail to use them is ALSO optional. Optional...ridiculous.

THIS is why serial commas are NOT optional:

"This book is dedicated to my kids, Katniss and Peeta."

This sentence means that the book is dedicated to the author's kids, whose names are Katniss and Peeta (side note: go read The Hunger Games).

But what if the author means this?:

"This book is dedicated to my kids, Katniss, and Peeta."

Aha, now we see that the author is dedicating the book to her kids, as well as some girl named Katniss and some guy named Peeta. When you're anti-serial comma (aka communist), you fail to make your book dedication clear. Serial commas make a big difference!

I wouldn't care so much about serial commas if journalists would adopt them. While academics who use Chicago style (aka, the RIGHT style) do use serial commas, journalists do not. This leads to confusion. Many MANY times I have sat there, re-reading a sentence over and over again trying to figure out what a journalist is trying to say, before I finally realize it's his lack of a SERIAL COMMA that is making his writing confusing. I can't find an example online, so I'll make up my own again.

"President Obama met with Vladimir Putin, an Imam and a supermodel."

EXACTLY.

So start using serial commas, people. Stop tormenting me. Although, if everyone used serial commas, what would I rant about? Oh yeah, PAT ROBERTSON.